Hurt.Sad.Angry

Dear Mr. Jerkface,
I wish I can tell you to your face that you are really hurting me.
I wish you would care.
I wish when I walk by, or you walk by, you would look at me.
I wish I can say I'm sorry for whatever I did wrong.
I wish I could stop caring.
I wish you didn't still matter.

I wish I wasn't so pathetic.

Sincerely,
Hurt.Sad.Angry.

Thoughts on... Twilight.

This would not be a blog, if I did not give you my opinion on Twilight…

I hate to do this to the blog world, but I really need to give you my two cents on this subject.

1. I am not a die hard fan.
2. I do not have any fan merchandise… (ie. Team Edward t-shirts, seriously?)
3. The books are like candy-coated cocaine. Impossible.to.put.down. Literally.

Now that is out of the way, let me get started.
So I started reading the books before “Twilight Mania” came to rise…
I think it was 2004/2005, a friend of mine who was living in Europe at the time with her family, sent me this 5 page email about how “brilliant” these books are.

I’ve always been a fan of the vampires. I loooved Buffy. Angel was my god. I love Ann Rice novels, etc.
So I decided to give my friend the benefit of the doubt, so she sent me all the books (hardcopy books being sent through airmail, is not cheap… believe me. SO I knew she was serious about how good these books were…)

So luckily it was summertime, because I literally read all 3 books within 2-3 days (Breaking Dawn did not come out until 2007/2008). I literally could not stop reading them… and to be honest with you, NO idea why. I mean no offence to Stephanie Meyer, but the novels are not that well written. BUT the way this author describes the characters and the struggle of this 100+ year old Vampire and the plain jane high school girl, you cannot help but relate and your heart just simply - just simply… melts.

I must confess, I am a VERY emotional reader. I get so in tuned to any novel I am reading that I literally fall into the book. When the character is angry, I’m angry. When the character is heartbroken, I’m going through the Ben & Jerry’s with them, no joke. Twilight was absolutely no exception.

The downfall to this (as if there is only one, right?) I go into this almost catatonic stupor. My brain becomes all muddled and sloppy and I just have such a hard time to deal.

Eventually this feeling goes away, and I become a normal girl again… whatever normal is.
Now don’t get to thinking I was one of those that would go on the internet and get as much info on Twilight as possible, not quite. What I did do however, was recommend this series to pretty much all of my friends. Infact; I even lent Twilight to a friend of mine who was going on her honeymoon, a Mediterranean cruise. She apparently finished it the first day or two she was on the cruise then went nuts because she could not find the other books anywhere and was really upset that I didn’t send the other books with her!

Now, I personally am one of those individuals that thinks making a movie out of this novel is just silly and just downright stupid.

You can’t capture Edward, no matter how much they try to make Robert Pattinson do it.

And I do not even want to post this… but Kristen Stewart as Bella. Seriously? I mean, Seriously?
Ugh. I actually can safely say that she is just.so.awful!

I suppose she physically portrays Bella, very plain jane… but her acting is just so AWFUL. I actually cannot handle it. To be honest I don’t know who they could have casted for Bella, so I will say that Kristen did make a good Bella in terms of looks, but Ugh! Her acting is BRUTAL!

I will say that Robert did an excellent job on Edward for the first movie… He wasn’t crazy buff as that Taylor kid did for Jacob, but he was tall and firm - solid. Like how Edward was supposed to portray. Tall, thin but strong firm, not bulky muscle.

I don’t know if the fame world has really gotten to him (he did choose this life, remember?) but he looks GAWD AWFUL in the second movie. Yes Yes, he’s Edward, very pretty. But he actually just looked so Ew.



He looks downright anorexic skinny. He’s got the paleness down to a T.

But Robert, atleast attempt to look like your not a little twig. The producer company could have done a much, much better job on you. It’s a pity.

Or maybe this was the perfect opportunity to give Taylor AKA Jacob the limelight, because absolutely no joke, everytime Jacob came on the scene - the 10 year old girls in the movie threatre screamed like it was a Teen Choice Awards… I think I am getting too old for that, but it was cute… the first time. After that it was just annoying.



He was beyond delish in the movie. Any girl with eyes could see that.

Looks marvelous for what 16? 17? How I wish I was that young. And NO I am not that old :-p

So to conclude, I do highly recommend the books. If not for anything else, then just for a nice, easy book to read. Its nice to read about young love. However; unpractical it is… it is FUN and can make you feel good and special about yourself J

He is pure yumminess. And his acting is actually pretty much up to par. WAY better than anorexic Edward and plain jane Bella AKA Kristen Stewert… Excuse me while I vomit.

That is my two cents.
Live.Laugh.Love.Travel<3

GRC Oscars... and staff holiday parties

I work in Aquatics... It can be a great job! The people I work with are excellent, my supervisors on the other hand... not so much. Infact, one of them in particular... Ugh. I will get into that.

Anyways, so like most work places, we try to have a Holiday Christmas Party.

For the past few years, it was just the pool staff and some of the facility staff, so pretty small.

So on top of going to a restaurant/bar or house party, I decided to spruce it up a little bit.
In high school, there are Grad Oscars, just a fun little activity, but most consider it a "popularity contest"... I wanted to change that. So I decided to run Oscars at my workplace.
Everyone bounced on the idea! So a tradition was born.
Like I said before, until last year it was just Aquatic staff and facility staff, therefore; small.

This year the facility centre has grown enormously. Not only is there Aquatic staff and facility staff, there is fitness staff, personal trainers, customer service staff, public skating staff, and child and youth recreation staff... so pretty much 3 times the normal amount. Which means, I have to come up with more nomination sections!

So with the help of some fellow co-workers, we came up with almost double the selection!

So for the first few days, everyone was really excited!

Then... yesterday when I went to start tallying up the nomination sheets (better to start earlier than later) there were a few nomination sheets that said something like "Oscars are a little harsh this year, whats up with that?!?)

SERIOUSLY? What the HELL?

I go out of my way to make sure that the staff HAVE Oscars this year and people have the nerve to say that I made the too harsh?

Honestly; people are WAY too sensitive!

I mean we had the standard sections "Nicest Smile", "Nicest Eyes", but to make it more interesting, we had sections like "Biggest Suck-up", Flakiest Staff" BUT it is ALL in good fun!! it is NOT meant to be taken seriously!!

Ugh! sometimes I wish people would stop complaining and just get over themselves!

That is my two cents on this issue!

Our.Deepest.Fear.

Our Deepest Fear.
Our deepest fear is not that we are inadequate.

Our deepest fear is that we are powerful beyond measure.

It is our light, not our darkness, that most frightens us.

We ask ourselves, who am I to be brilliant, gorgeous, talented and fabulous?

Actually who are we not to be?

You are a child of God.

Your playing small doesn't serve the world.

There is nothing enlightened about shrinking so that other people won't

feel insecure around you.

We are all meant to shine as children do.

We were born to make manifest the glory of God that is within us.

It's not just in some of us; it's in everyone.

And when we let our own light shine,

we unconsciously give other people permission to do the same.

As we are liberated from our own fear,

our presence automatically liberates others.

- Marianne Williamson

A Return to Love: Reflections on thePrinciples of "A Course in Miracles"

This poem really hits home with me.

I originally discovered while watching one of the most powerful movie in a long time: Coach Carter.

That movie sends such a strong and powerful message.

I highly recommend it for anyone and everyone.

It can portray a little message for everyone and the fact that it is a true story and what the characters go through, what Coach Carter goes through. It should send a message loud and clear for all.

Everyone is worth it. Not a single person should feel like their lives will never amount to anything. That is completely 100% false.

This poem is beautiful and eerie.

When I am having a bad day (or week) and I am feeling absolutely worthless and life could not get much better for me, I read this poem and I don't feel so solemn.

Its a horrible feeling, to be alone, isolated, worthless.

It is nice to know that someone in the world wrote this poem. The greatest thing about it - it could have multiple meanings for anyone and everyone!

Its a poem that in my opinion was designed to help anyone out with whatever they are feeling.

Tia's Confession:
(one of many...)

Along with many, many other insecure things I have about myself... my biggest insecurity is that I do not love myself. I do not love what I see in the mirror. I do not see what others apparently see in me, and those feelings are awful. I wish I saw what others see, but it's hard for me.

I am very good at making sure other people see the aura and light around them, I just do not see mine. Which is when I start to think, "Do I even have one? Am I worthy?"

I know that I should answer myself, YES! I do! I am just as good as everyone else.

It's just not as easy.

One day, I hope I will finally get it.

Sister Love<3

Having a sister is like having a best friend you can’t get rid of. You know whatever you do, they’ll still be there.

Sweet is the voice of a sister in the season of sorrow.

A loyal sister is worth a thousand friends.

This is my sister!

Her name is Stefania.

She is the best part of my life. I adore everything about her.

She is slightly older now - 21 years old, but wasn't she the cutest person you have ever seen when she was little!

She still has her natural blond ringlette curls, and baby blues!! Ugh! don't you just wanna hate her too :p

Stef is funny, kind, lovable. She is also impulsive, unpredictable, crazy and all over the place!

She is my best friend and I would do absolutely anything for her :)

Heart.Broken.

Once upon a time, there was a guy...
and as you can probably guess, said boy completely obliterated my heart.
Enough Said.

You look so dumb right now
Standin' outside my house
Tryin' to apologize
You're so ugly when you cry
Please, just cut it out

And don't tell me you're sorry 'cause you're not
Baby when I know you're only sorry you got caught
But you put on quite a show
Really had me goin'
But now it's time to go
Curtain's finally closing
That was quite a show
Very entertainin'
But it's over now
Go on and take a bow

Ohhh... Grab your clothes and get gone
before the sprinklers come on
Talkin' about, girl, I love you, you're the one
This just looks like a re-runPlease, what else is on (ohh)

And don't tell me you're sorry 'cause you're not
Baby when I know you're only sorry you got caught
But you put on quite a show
Really had me goingBut now it's time to go
Curtain's finally closing
That was quite a show
Very entertainin'
But it's over now (but it's over now)
Go on and take a bow

Ohh, and the award for the best liar goes to
making me believe that you could be faithful to me
Let's hear your speech out
How about a round of applause
A standin' ovation
But you put on quite a show
Really had me going
Now it's time to go
Curtain's finally closing
That was quite a show
Very entertainin'

But it's over now (but it's over now)
Go on and take a bow
But it's over now...

The Next Chapter in my life... to be or not to be a... Talent Agent or Manager.

So I ended my last blog with what I wanted to do... so now on to the easy part, right? WRONG!
So after my trip to Europe, while I was working full-time with summer camps, in all of my spare time I was looking on ways to get to be a talent agent.
In the city where I am currently living, there are 2 talent agencies. 1 of them is dedicated to models and only hire family within - they do not even offer internships to outsiders, and the other agency basically went out of business and after 0ver 50 phone calls and emails later, I decided that if an agency is that hard to get a hold of... they obviously are not going to be a good agency to work for.
So my search had to go to google.ca - and low and behold: Toronto, Ontario and Vancouver, British Columbia are the cities to look into it.
So I started emailing agencies, every day! I sent out probably atleast 10-15 emails a day expressing interested as a talent agent, or a talent agent assistant, or just simply inquiring on the "how to be a talent agent..." out of all the emails I sent - I received a total of 3 emails from a few of the agencies I contacted. Instead of feeling deflated, I was elated.
I was finally getting somewhere! I couldn't ask for more!
Since the agencies who contacted me were not hiring at the time, it gave me the opportunity to just ask questions, how to get in the business, what programs to study in school, how the business works....
1. this is the industry of selling people - not for illegal reasons of any kind. But, essentially - that is exactly what it is. You are trying to sell your client to casting directors, producers, directors, managers, other talent agents, etc. You have to digg your heels, claws, stiletto heels and get their attention and make your client sound beyond fantastic... and you have to do it to the point where its interesting and not boring! not only are you trying to sell your client, but so are 50 other agents or managers trying to do the exact same thing.
2. There is not a program in any college or university to get a "Talent Agent" degree... yet. So that is where I hit a bit of a snag, but a post-secondary education in Business, marketing, communications is a very good idea to have. Also a law degree is also a major plus. I, myself, have a diploma in Business Marketing Management and Communications. I am also still considering law school, but first I wanted to get some work experience under my belt before I take another 4 year law school degree.
3. Thinking outside the box - critical thinking and solution making is very important in this business. You need to think, and be a smark, quick thinker. Anything can spring up on you. It is very important to be that person.

So after the more or less unsuccessful emails and some occasional phone calls (this was long distance for me at the time) I decided to really do a lot of research on my own.
Like I said before, in 2004, I briefly looked online for any job descriptions and requirements needed to be a talent agent, and back then there was a lot less information on the career choice. Still to this day, there are millions of websites and books and contacts on how to be a actor, and what talent agents look for in an actor, but very little on how to be a talent agent.
Most agents were former actors themselves, not necessarily former either, they also are still very much in the acting scene, but just have divided their time between signing clients and getting them work and getting themselves work.
many websites were very useful to me:
www.actorsaccess.com
www.nowcasting.com
www.imdb.com
any of those websites really give you an idea on what agencies are looking for and where to start your client search.

The one big "snag" I landed on, is where to start... how do I start to become a talent agent...
stay tuned friends :) I will explain what I did to get started in my dream to become a talent agent...

"You think you know a story..."

Hello there,
My name is Cristina, but I also answer to Tia. Why? I really do not like the nickname Tina (what? am I 12 years old?) and I also despise the nickname "Crissy". I mean seriously? I might as well be playing in the sand box, and have pigtails. Not that I object to sand boxes or pigtails, as I recall... I had a great childhood full of pigtailness and playing sandman. Good times.
However; my nickname is Tia and my real name is Cristina.
Why did I start a blog?
Well I have recently come to terms what I want to do with my life, and I wanted to start from the beginning.
I would like to blog my experience about this. I personally feel that with this decision I have made, it will make it all worthwhile in the end.
and maybe, just maybe, someone will learn from my experiences and I will be able to help someone.
Or rather, someone will smile at my stupidity and quirkiness.
Consider yourself forewarned...

So to start at the beginning... as of right now in my 23 years of life, I have dedicated myself in the thought that I would live in Canada, become a elementary school teacher and/or high school teacher. Possibly meet the man of my dreams, get married and then have the 2.5 children in the big house in the suburbs of the big city... realistically - absolutely not. If any of my family or friends ever read this - they would laugh and say I am full of bull shiat...
The truth is - my whole 23 years of life (so old I know... ;) I have been told I would be a great teacher. So that was more or less thrust upon me. I, of course, went along with it because I thought that is what one does. My mothers opinion always matter, still really matters, which is why this blog might be sad sometimes, angry others, happy with a little of smile with a cherry on top.
So during high school - as tough as it was - I had my dark moments as any teenage girl. Not as dark as the girls in the movie "Thirteen", Those girls were beyond messed up. I highly encourage every high school or junior high school to have a school assmbly on this movie - I was scarred for life after watching this movie and I also encourage any parent who wishes to have children to watch this movie - you might want to reconsider... I certainly did.
As I was saying, during high school - my parents and family and friends, were always saying "Cristina, you will be an amazing teacher" So I naturally believed them. However; I was always fascinated with the idea of being in the world of film and television. To be on a set, or at a production company. I, of course, kept it to myself - it seemed so silly - what would a girl like me be doing on a film set? obsurd right? So I put the idea at the back of my mind... thinking "Just do what everyone else does..."
So in high school, I participated in some theatre productions at the local community theatre. I loved to be part of the cast and crew. It is like a small family there. I did not do it very often because I could feel the weight of my parents disapproval. Even though my mother and father often told me to do what I love and what makes me happy - their disapproving looks often told me otherwise and it would put me in the direction they wanted me to follow.
Sports and Athletics was a HUGE part of my childhood - emphasize of "HUGE". I was only allowed sports. I joined Sparks and Brownies and tired Girl Guides at one point, but when I did not like it, I was forced into sports. I personally would have liked to take theatre or acting classes or maybe take up a instrument, but again - my parents will won over.
So I grew up playing soccer, softball and swimming.
Swimming was a sport I loved, I was pretty good at it. Ended up going competitive. It turned out to be a little overwelming and I decided to not swim every morning at 4:30am... not pleasant.
I continued to swim though until I was old enough to start going into the levels to be a lifeguard, which is what my mother and father wanted. I was not allowed to work in fast-food or retail, my parents would never hear of it. The lifeguard jobs in Ontario, paid very well and it was what my parents approved of.
Lifeguarding turned out to be almost like my second family - my second party animal, introduction to many fun and exciting things in high school and my post-secondary eductation family - and I thank God for them every day! They drive me crazy, but I love them all anyway :) some more than others. They have been great friends for me for years, so it is wonderful to still have them in my life. Lifeguarding is also where I was introduced to teaching swimming lessons and hence the whole "you will be an excellent teacher..." and I just bought all of it.
Along with lifeguarding, I was still playing soccer... soccer was touch and go. I loved it, until my parents wanted me to play competitive... then I didn't love it. at all. The politics, the players (my so-called-friends, everything. Playing competitive soccer nearly ruined everything about me... it was not a good thing... I eventually quit, and it destroyed my relationship with my father (LONG story... not very interesting...) I started coaching soccer for children and youth (again this was on my path to be a teacher...) I was naturally good at it!
So finally high school is over and post-secondary starts....
My post-secondary education was unusual. Now most ordinary people my age would be done WAY earlier than myself... not me ;)
Originally I wanted to backpack across Australia and New Zealand with a very close friend of mine. My mother expressed her immense disappoitment in this, and I ended up staying and going to school - to this day - I am not as close as I was to the individual who I was supposed to travel with, and for that - I am sorry.
First - I start in college in Early Childhood Education. That lasted 2 weeks, I hated it. That course was designed to be an opening ground for those who want to be in nursery schools and preschool. Not teaching high school like I originally thought I wanted.
So then I switch out and instead of dropping out for the semester (which is what most people do, I imagine), I switched to a program called "Media and Communications" and low and behold... I loved it. It was a stepping stool for what is now what I want to do with my life.
One of the assignments that had started all of this for me, was: "Talent Agent". My assignment was to write the roles and responsibilities of a talent agent and create a mock business proposal for a talent agent. It was fun, exhilerating, challenging and I loved it. This was in 2004 and I still have the paper. I did quite well on it too ;)
Needless to say, I kept my enthusium and interest to myself because the one thing I knew was certain... my parents would not approve of this at all.
Not to mention, where on earth would I start. I remember at the time, simply out of curiousity - checking online to see if there was a program you can take for potential Talent Agents. As you can probably guess - no such luck.
So this semester goes by, and my parents convince it would be a good idea to go to University of Ottawa. So off to University of Ottawa I go.
To this date: I am constantly encouraging those 16-17 year olds to go away from home to university. It is one of my biggest regrets to this day. Even with the extra expenses. It is most definitely worth it in the end! Even going away for one year and transferring back to school closer to home or in your own home time... it would all be worth it. Simply because my university experience very much consisted of - taking the bus to school (1 hour there and back), going to class, sitting in lectures, sometimes going to library to attempt to study - sometimes going for coffee, taking the bus home and then going to work or home... It was not the best university experience and I would trade it for anything, if I could...
So I have always been very much interested in Greek and Roman Mythology. So I start my university education studying Classical Studies. It was very interesting and I loved it, and then I picked up a minor in World Religions, because I have always been very fascinated in religion in different cultures. It was all very interesting and I ended up graduating with it. With the hopes that I would teach high school with it...
The spring of my university graduation - I decided to save up heaps of money and go to Europe to travel.
Travel has always been a big part of my life. My mother loves to travel, and she often would go with myself and my sister and we would have a great time.
I wanted to do some backpacking. Unfortunately; that did not plan out, so I decided to take a trip on an organized tour - Contiki. It was great! I made some great friends, and had a fantastic time travelling.
It also taught me some things about myself - I realized that I was not happy with my life, and I actually could not stop thinking about that 1 semester program I did back in 2004 and how much I enjoyed it and how much I could be just so amazing at it...
so that summer, I finally made a decision for myself. I turned 23 years old. I was in charge of day camps, and I no longer wanted to have anything to do with teaching.
It took almost the whole summer to tell my mother and she gave me the "I'm very disappointed in you, Cristina" but for once, it didnt grip me to feel incredibly guilty and ashamed as it usually does. For once; I just wanted to try something for myself and just go with it.

So this is going to be the next chapter of my life...
My journey to my career as a Talent Agent.

Stay tuned.